Sunday, January 18, 2004

Workin out.

So I got into new years resolution mode last week and joined a gym. Definitely a good choice, since I don't want to have to buy my pants at the big and tall or "husky" stores. Not that I have anything against them, but I just would like to be able to continue to shop at Old Navy and the Gap. Or at least turn my nose up at what they have there and feel comfortable messing up stacks of jeans. i used to work there; i'm entitled. Eh. So going to the gym, I get 5 free sessions with a personal trainer. My trainer happens to be this German lady I'll nickname the Baroness. She's nice enough, but at times I have a hard time understanding what she's saying. Either by her fitness themed nomenclature, her slight accent, or the pounding of the heartbeat in my head (because I'm so out of shape) i can't always understand what she's saying, which makes things interesting to say the least.

She first asks of my diet. Right off the bat she tells me to cut out the carbs. When I lose a bit of weight she said I could add them back in, but for now, i have to keep it to proteins and vegetables. She also told me that I shouldn't eat after 8. I can understand this, but if I'm at work till 7, I don't get home till 8, and well, i'm probably famished. Lesson to learn here: eat a substantial healthy snack in the late afternoon. Sigh.

So in working out, I'm doing the elliptical machine which continually beeps at me to put my hands on the sensors or to slow down to lower my heart rate (i think i have a fast heart rate, so if i were to slow down any more, i think turtles would be passing me up). There's nothing worse than being micromanaged by a fitness machine. GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE! I want to scream at it in true Edina fashion. Eventually my 15 mintues are up, and i check in with the Baroness.

"We vill do weight training now," and we work my triceps and biceps. Let me just say that I don't think my triceps were all too pleased with this. They've enjoyed a life of relative luxury since the 10th grade or so when I stopped having a Sadistic P.E. teacher. I will say it felt good; kind of invigorating. But strangely enough, there were some basic things I had some trouble with. Counting. I think I enjoy the elliptical machines because you can just zone out until your 15 minutes are done. Doing weights however, you're supposed to count, then be sure to exhale when you're at the height of the "crunch". It's almost like math or something. So I have to work on my concentration there, since I easilly lost count 8 out of 10 times.

After the weights, the Baroness has me do some situps. Well, not the situps I dreaded in High School and Junior High, which apparently were bad for your back (go figure that one out), but crunches, which involves lifting your shoulders off the floor towards your knees. She'd said something that made me chuckle to which she replied "NO LAUGHING!" which as you may know only causes someone to laugh more.

"YOU LAUGH YOU BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION!" She adds. I'm sure this is all quite true. But it doesn't stop the fact that I'm laughing, so I try to stop. "YOU MUST MAXIMIZE!" she adds, I think trying to give me incentive, but only fuels my laughter. Eventually I stop and get on with my crunches.

To finish the workout I do 15 minutes on a treadmill. I understand that with a workout you want to vary the activity so that your body doesn't get used to the routine and become complacent, but i've always thought the treadmill was a silly exercise machine. Kind of like the stair machines. They always put these machines in front of windows - why is this? To make people think they're going somewhere? I enjoy walking a lot. I like to look at scenery and people watch, so it's something that I feel silly for doing on a stationery treadmill. I'm sure it's good for measuring callories burned, heart pulse and compatibility with other people who've used that machine - it just seems a bit silly, tha's all.

I had the personal trainer session Friday, I woke up yesterday IN PAIN. My arms are still incredibly sore. I know understand why Tyranisaurus Rex was so vicious. When you can't pick things up it makes you grumpy. I'm going to try and go back to the gym today and loosen up some. I'm sure once my muscles get used to this "activity" and not just hanging around, I'll be much the better for it.

Oh - and pics. I'm trying to work out some bugs, but they'll be up soon. Honest. Check out my homage to the ultimate spymobile - Agent Orange Julius (that should work).